Might As Well Face It Your Addicted to Food...

As you read the words of this title I hope you hear the 1980's mega hit from Robert Palmer, "Addicted to Love"..."might as well face it your addicted to food, huh!"

Please enjoy reading my parody lyrics to this once famous song:

Your lights are on, but you're not home
Your mind is not your own
Your body sweats, your stomach aches
Another burger is what it takes
You can't sleep, cuz you can eat
There's no doubt, you're in deep
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
Another bite is all you need
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff,
oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough, you
know you're
Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to food
You see the signs, and then you read
A couple bucks is all you need
Your mouth waters and then you spy
Another item and a large fry
You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
Eat it tomorrow, is what I'll do
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff,
oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough, you
know you're
Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to food

And now this week's entry:
As I watched the many reality shows on TV that deal with the addictions that people face, I couldn't help but see a commonality with what I was fighting in my own life.  The pain, stress, need, desire, and preoccupation that those people felt and battled were eerily similar to the emotions and desires of myself towards food.  Finally, the realization hit home as I was faced with my counselor telling me that I was dealing with an addiction to food.  My first reaction was one of relief, I can finally put a name on this problem and really start to deal with it.  My second reaction, which I verbalized, was loaded with sarcasm "Seriously?"  I then said, "Addiction is real, it is ugly, it can kill, and it is crippling.  Everyone is claiming addiction these days from sex to food to the use of the internet; how can this be an addiction."  I have to hand it to my counselor, who patiently pointed out that my misuse of food was doing everything that I had pointed out in that statement.  My problem was real, it was ugly, it was killing me and it was crippling me in the process.  I hate being wrong, but I was and my own words condemned me.  I broke mentally and spiritually at that moment.  The realization that I was trapped in an addiction became so monstrous that I literally broke.  I didn't cry, but I could feel my will change, my heart sink, and my self-confidence die.  I was in way over my head and didn't see any way out.  As I sat in the chair across from my counselor, my head hung low and I asked in a low soft voice, "What now?"

In reality, I wasn't just asking that question to my therapist.  I was asking it to God, myself, and my counselor.  Her response was measured, "I have a book for you."  The book was Addiction and Grace by Gerald May.  She said she wanted me to read it and tell her what I thought about it.  I remember leaving there with an internal fight taking place in my head.  It centered around the overuse of the term addiction to explain so many behaviors.  I could not come to terms with this being a disease or something I was genetically engineered to fight; something was not sitting right with me.  Then I realized, I needed to allow myself to believe that addiction had levels of severity.  Most of you just went, "DUH", I know you did, I heard it.  After watching so many shows about drug addiction it skewed my thinking that all addictions had to look the same in severity.  We all know and understand that addiction ranges from caffeine to drugs.  I needed to find a niche where my addiction fit within that range.

As I began to read the book, Addiction and Grace, my realization grew that the same common principles that foster addiction are present in my fight to gain independence from food.  I realized that just because you are dealing with an addiction, it does not provide you with a built in excuse or cop out if you fail.  In my opinion, addiction constitutes an unhealthy preoccupation, dependence, or obsession about something.  I am not a professional counselor and I am sure there are some holes in this definition, but I am explaining what it means to me.  In order to conquer my dependence on food, I thought I needed more visits to the doctor.  However, I was soon to learn that would not be the case. 

Through reading this book, I began to realize that hope was growing stronger within me.  As I read page 18, I realized that I would not and will not be a slave to my misuse of food any longer.  I would like to share one excerpt and a quote that focuses on the spiritual side of hope.  The context is centered on how the human spirit can break free and deal with the attachment to addiction:

"We are dependent upon grace for liberation from our addictions, but those very addictions impair our receptivity to grace.  The message may not sound like good news.  Yet God creates and cares for us in such a way that our addictions can never completely vanquish our freedom.  Addiction may oppress our desire, erode our wills, confound our motivations, and contaminate our judgment, but its bondage is never absolute.  Because of God's continuing love, the human spirit can never be completely obliterated.  No matter how oppressed we are, by other people and circumstances or by our own internal addictions, some small capacity for choice remains unvanquished."

The word "choice" caused my heart to race because I had, up until now, believed that once addiction grabs hold of you, you are powerless.  I couldn't and can't accept this.  I think that as people, we are better and stronger than we believe.  I have witnessed it frequently in my 37 years on this planet- the human spirit is strong.  Through God you are strong, I am strong, we are strong - its true!  "The bare edge of freedom is insured and preserved inside us by God, and no matter what forces oppress us from without or within, it is indestructible." (May, pg. 18)  This is where I connected to one of my quotes that I mentioned in a previous post.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippines 4:13)  The light bulb went on and the gears in my brain started working. (Insert ears smoking joke here.)

Addiction, in my opinion, is slavery.  Slavery to a substance, feeling, or whatever the case may be; I am not saying that I lock, stock and barrel believe in all the claims of addiction, but true addiction is slavery.  Time to break the bonds!  It was in this moment that I began to see a greater value in the 7 points or pillars that I had written on my marker board in December.  I started to think that maybe I didn't know as much as I thought about nutrition and exercise.  I began to research things I was hearing about, such as high fructose corn syrup and trans-fats.  My readings lead me to understand on a greater level, why I was craving food.  Why I was feeling trapped and addicted.  Nutrition holds a bigger stake in this fight than I had ever dreamed.  It was more than just calorie burn, it was more than just what companies said was healthy and beneficial for me.  It was a realization that holds tremendous power and a huge key to my success.  It lead me to reach out to a powerful friend, who would be a critical part in my success.  It made me realize that I was finding a key to the castle and that now was not the time to quit.  I latched on to those familiar words, don't give up.  Don't ever give up.

Weekly Update:  Sorry for the two week delay in posts, it has been exceptionally busy at work and I haven't had the time to sit down and blog.  Thank you to everyone who checked on me and made sure I was still fighting!  Your support and concern is very much appreciated.

As of last week, June 5, 2010, I weighed in at 385.6, this is a 4.6 lb elimination.  This week, I weighed in at 384.0 lbs.  This 1.6 lb elimination brings my over all number to 48.2 lbs eliminated and I feel amazing.  Thanks again for all the positive support.  Have a great week!

Congratulations to the Lindsey and Brent Wise on the birth of their daughter McKinley Marie Wise!