I am taking a moment from the chronological side of events and talking about a topic that has been weighing on my mind for about a month now. It is how I have fought through some weight set backs that have come during the month of July and first part of August.
TAKING A PUNCH:
Through my previous weight loss attempts, I believed that I had sticking points, brick walls that stopped my progress and caused me to revert back to old form. It is this phenomenon that took place every time I would get to a barrier and I would see my behavior degrade into the same old, same old. In the past these barriers were events/celebrations (the holidays come to mind), weight loss numbers, or times of year (the stress of beginning school). The mental block that accompanied these barriers was often the finishing touch that would get me to quit and end promising starts to weight loss efforts. This all ranged from self-sabotage, fear of missing out on perceived fun, or lack of planning to avoid these sticking points.
However, I am redefining these barriers as punches. This goes along with my workout routines as I am learning to box from Doug (my trainer). My belief is that there never was a barrier, but rather a punch that would stagger me. In the past, I allowed these punches to get me to back down, become complacent, or even forget all the reasons why I was losing weight, and fool myself into believing that it didn't matter what I did. In life, I always looked at adversity as an opportunity to show what I was made of, except in my weight loss experiences. I can tell you that is a thing of the past.
The reality is that everyone who strives to lose weight, takes a punch along the way. Some of the punches are small, some are big, they vary in frequency, and they always come when we are at our weakest or believe that we are doing everything right.
I had small punches along the way until I took my family on vacation this summer. When we left, I weighed in at 378.6 and had been fighting a yo-yo of losing and gaining for about three weeks straight. While on vacation, I had my moments where I would eat too much or make poor choices, but these were always coupled with lots of daily activity. In fact, I would argue that I was more active that week than I had been during any week over the past five years. When I returned, I expected to see an increase of maybe a pound or two. If I was lucky maybe it would even out. After all, I was active and making decent decisions overall.
As I stepped on the scale, I was subjected to an upper cut from nowhere- 390.6 lbs! WHAT THE HELL!?!? Yes, I gained 12 lbs in one week. Needless to say I was stunned, down in the dumps, and doubting all at once. As in times past, I needed comfort and I began to eat. Another day of damage took place as I figured, I will put myself back on track - TOMORROW. What a dangerous word - tomorrow. Every great "could've been" starts tomorrow. However, by the grace of God, I caught myself. As if I was a boxer who just got knocked to the canvas and realized that the referee was counting, I got my senses and got up to keep fighting.
The first thing I did was take stock. Twelve pounds in one week, meant there had to be an element of water in all of this. I started to figure that I could flush and sweat this out of my system. The remaining weight, well I spent some time trying to figure out what went wrong. I started to think directly about my meals and calorie intake from the previous week. As I carefully thought, I realized that I was not making good choices during that week. At this point, I ended my analysis of the previous week. In fact, I ended any dwelling on the situation. This turned out to be very important, as I was fighting the thoughts of how hopeless it all seemed and how much damage I had done. This was not helping me, in fact it was tearing down my mental focus of staying positive and dwelling on the good that I was accomplishing.
I got back to basics. Positive mindset, daily affirmations, tracking what I was eating, following through with my workouts, staying away from overly processed foods, and maintaining my spiritual connection for strength. In doing this, I lost 10.4 lbs that next week. The following week, I lost the rest of the vacation weight and an extra .2 lbs. Then I got cocky, and I gained 9.2 lbs the following week. I refocused again and rebounded with a 10 lb loss. The reality is that I am sure I was dealing with a good amount of fluid, but this also was an opportunity to learn and believe in myself and the program that I have designed.
I realized that I have to stay focused and that every week will have its ups and downs. We cannot judge weight loss or any self-improvement, for that matter, on the results of one week or the desperation of a moment. The key is to take the punch and get up from the canvas. Hey, anyone can be tough when they are throwing the punches, but it is when we get hit that we find out what we are made of. As throughout all of time, I believe that people have proven, through God's grace, we are all tough as nails when it counts! DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T EVER GIVE UP!
Weekly Update: I am excited to say that I have met my next goal! I weighed in at 373.4 lbs yesterday morning (the goal was to get to 375). This is a 4.2 lb elimination from the week previous. My next goal is a short one, as I strive to get to the 60 lbs lost marker (when I reach 372.2 lbs).
Overall, I am in good place, but I must admit losing 58.8 lbs and realizing that I am not even close to my overall goal is disheartening. However, I am staying focused on going one day at a time and I remind myself that it took me 37 years to gain all this weight. It is not going to come off overnight or even in one year. I just have to keep plugging away. :)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The Turning Point
Before I begin my next entry, I wanted to say thank you to so many people who have checked in with me or those close to me to make certain I was OK and still pressing forward. If you are one of those people, THANK YOU! I kept wanting to put a new post up, but I was allowing life to engulf me, thus I had to refocus my priority towards my accountability. However, I have not lost focus on my goals and my program. I am still pushing forward. In the words of L.L. Cool J, "Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years." :)
As I started to focus more on nutrition and what was in my food, I began to think about it as fuel for my body. If I eat better foods, then it should translate into me feeling better, stronger, and having more energy. I began to wonder what it would be like to truly begin to feel good physically. I could remember my more athletic self, but I couldn't remember what it was like to feel good. I couldn't remember what it was like to run and not want to fall down exhausted, or use my muscles and not feel like I was moving a house, go up the stairs without wondering if I would make it to the top. As I began to steer clear of certain processed foods, I approached the opportunity to work with Doug Owens. Doug, as I mentioned in the last blog entry, is a world class trainer who has helped people from all walks of life from professional athletes to cancer patients, from the extremely fit to the very obese. He has the skill to tailor a program for anyone at any stage of fitness to help them build confidence and their body. His knowledge of the human body, its functions, limits, and nutritional needs is absolutely amazing. Yet he condenses this knowledge into common terms, integrates it and explains it during workouts. He has become a great resource and an essential member of the "don't give up" team.
As stated before, I knew Doug personally for about a year before I took him up on the offer to train with him. I had three hurdles to clear before I would take this plunge. First, I was concerned about the cost; personal trainers are expensive, but he doesn't focus on bankrupting his clients. He is more focused on how he can help people and makes himself affordable even though he has the credentials to be much more expensive. The second hurdle was the reality that I needed to be certain that I would be committed to this endeavor. This hurdle was cleared when I decided to make this overall change. The final hurdle was simple fear. Could I physically do this? As I gained weight, I viewed myself to be a lot fitter than I was even though I had put on all this weight. Now, I had to confront another reality of my condition: I was severely unfit.
In order to give an accurate picture of what Doug had to work with when I started with him, I submit the following information: Every day I would wake up drive to work, park my car and walk approximately twenty yards to the entry of our school. I dreaded this walk because if I walked too fast I would get winded covering that distance. Then I would get to my office, sit for a part of the day, go to meetings, visit classrooms (either sitting or walking in each), then return home and sit on the couch, absolutely drained of all energy with no ability to recuperate. I literally could not lift another finger to do anything. I was completely gassed at the end of a day. The sadder part, it would be worse on days that I had to stay late for sports or evening events. I recall the energy it took to get up from the couch and walk to the kitchen, my computer room, or my bedroom. I had no energy and was being suffocated by my weight. In the end, breathing was starting to become a difficult task. This is what Doug had to work with, a man who had heart, but could barely function physically.
On top of all the physical difficulties and limitations, I hated to work out. During the years that I coached football, I had tried a variety of programs and workouts to get fit, but none of the typical "go into the gym and walk on the treadmill or lift weights" programs even remotely interested me. When it comes down to it, I believe that you have to enjoy the activity that you chose to undertake in order to stay or get fit. I never liked those traditional scenarios. I did some things on the non-traditional side of activity; Tae Bo workouts were ordered at one point and that didn't make me feel anything but ridiculous. If those things work for you, more power to you; but standing in front of the TV, kicking and punching the air while praying that no one would see my Hong Kong Phoey routine wasn't doing it for me. I tried to take up running or walking, but running absolutely wrecked me; walking was OK, but it didn't quite hit the spot. What felt right to me was competition, physical action, and sport as a package deal. This is right in Doug's wheel house.
I remember the uncertainty, anxiousness, excitement, and doubt as I drove to my first workout. I was concerned about being able to do things well enough to matter. I was anxious and worried that I would injure myself. I was excited about a new beginning. I was doubting whether or not I would actually do this long term and pull off this whole program I had designed. After all, this is where the rubber meets the road and the real physical work begins. As these and many other thoughts rolled through my head over and over, I turned to my iPod for inspiration. After getting a little pumped from hearing The Notorious BIG's Hypnotize, I heard a song that has inspired me before - Lose Yourself, by Eminem. The lyrics were perfect, the beat was energizing me, and I focused on a vision of what all of this will produce when I become healthy and fit. I temporarily set aside my doubts and pulled into Doug Owen's Personal Fitness and Boxing. A place that would soon become a safe haven for me. A place that I would consistently use to refocus and stay positive in my fight to regain my life. A place where Doug and I would have conversations and do the work to change my life. It is a place where I would have to push myself and test my resolve to my mantra: Don't give up. Don't ever give up.
Weekly Update: Well it has been too long since my last weekly update, however I have been on the roller coaster all summer with birthday parties, travel, vacation and a lack of routine that I thought would be a benefit. However, I found it to be exceptionally difficult to stay focused and maintain my progress. I am happy to report that I have weighed in at 379.8 lbs this week. This is an overall loss of 52.4 lbs and I am closing in on my next goal of eclipsing the 375 lb mark. I am so thankful for all the encouraging messages, texts, and phone calls. Thanks and I'm back on the weekly blog schedule.
On a final note, I have received many comments about having trouble leaving comments because of the log in requirements of blogspot. I have now removed that restriction from this blog. Have a great week.
As I started to focus more on nutrition and what was in my food, I began to think about it as fuel for my body. If I eat better foods, then it should translate into me feeling better, stronger, and having more energy. I began to wonder what it would be like to truly begin to feel good physically. I could remember my more athletic self, but I couldn't remember what it was like to feel good. I couldn't remember what it was like to run and not want to fall down exhausted, or use my muscles and not feel like I was moving a house, go up the stairs without wondering if I would make it to the top. As I began to steer clear of certain processed foods, I approached the opportunity to work with Doug Owens. Doug, as I mentioned in the last blog entry, is a world class trainer who has helped people from all walks of life from professional athletes to cancer patients, from the extremely fit to the very obese. He has the skill to tailor a program for anyone at any stage of fitness to help them build confidence and their body. His knowledge of the human body, its functions, limits, and nutritional needs is absolutely amazing. Yet he condenses this knowledge into common terms, integrates it and explains it during workouts. He has become a great resource and an essential member of the "don't give up" team.
As stated before, I knew Doug personally for about a year before I took him up on the offer to train with him. I had three hurdles to clear before I would take this plunge. First, I was concerned about the cost; personal trainers are expensive, but he doesn't focus on bankrupting his clients. He is more focused on how he can help people and makes himself affordable even though he has the credentials to be much more expensive. The second hurdle was the reality that I needed to be certain that I would be committed to this endeavor. This hurdle was cleared when I decided to make this overall change. The final hurdle was simple fear. Could I physically do this? As I gained weight, I viewed myself to be a lot fitter than I was even though I had put on all this weight. Now, I had to confront another reality of my condition: I was severely unfit.
In order to give an accurate picture of what Doug had to work with when I started with him, I submit the following information: Every day I would wake up drive to work, park my car and walk approximately twenty yards to the entry of our school. I dreaded this walk because if I walked too fast I would get winded covering that distance. Then I would get to my office, sit for a part of the day, go to meetings, visit classrooms (either sitting or walking in each), then return home and sit on the couch, absolutely drained of all energy with no ability to recuperate. I literally could not lift another finger to do anything. I was completely gassed at the end of a day. The sadder part, it would be worse on days that I had to stay late for sports or evening events. I recall the energy it took to get up from the couch and walk to the kitchen, my computer room, or my bedroom. I had no energy and was being suffocated by my weight. In the end, breathing was starting to become a difficult task. This is what Doug had to work with, a man who had heart, but could barely function physically.
On top of all the physical difficulties and limitations, I hated to work out. During the years that I coached football, I had tried a variety of programs and workouts to get fit, but none of the typical "go into the gym and walk on the treadmill or lift weights" programs even remotely interested me. When it comes down to it, I believe that you have to enjoy the activity that you chose to undertake in order to stay or get fit. I never liked those traditional scenarios. I did some things on the non-traditional side of activity; Tae Bo workouts were ordered at one point and that didn't make me feel anything but ridiculous. If those things work for you, more power to you; but standing in front of the TV, kicking and punching the air while praying that no one would see my Hong Kong Phoey routine wasn't doing it for me. I tried to take up running or walking, but running absolutely wrecked me; walking was OK, but it didn't quite hit the spot. What felt right to me was competition, physical action, and sport as a package deal. This is right in Doug's wheel house.
I remember the uncertainty, anxiousness, excitement, and doubt as I drove to my first workout. I was concerned about being able to do things well enough to matter. I was anxious and worried that I would injure myself. I was excited about a new beginning. I was doubting whether or not I would actually do this long term and pull off this whole program I had designed. After all, this is where the rubber meets the road and the real physical work begins. As these and many other thoughts rolled through my head over and over, I turned to my iPod for inspiration. After getting a little pumped from hearing The Notorious BIG's Hypnotize, I heard a song that has inspired me before - Lose Yourself, by Eminem. The lyrics were perfect, the beat was energizing me, and I focused on a vision of what all of this will produce when I become healthy and fit. I temporarily set aside my doubts and pulled into Doug Owen's Personal Fitness and Boxing. A place that would soon become a safe haven for me. A place that I would consistently use to refocus and stay positive in my fight to regain my life. A place where Doug and I would have conversations and do the work to change my life. It is a place where I would have to push myself and test my resolve to my mantra: Don't give up. Don't ever give up.
Weekly Update: Well it has been too long since my last weekly update, however I have been on the roller coaster all summer with birthday parties, travel, vacation and a lack of routine that I thought would be a benefit. However, I found it to be exceptionally difficult to stay focused and maintain my progress. I am happy to report that I have weighed in at 379.8 lbs this week. This is an overall loss of 52.4 lbs and I am closing in on my next goal of eclipsing the 375 lb mark. I am so thankful for all the encouraging messages, texts, and phone calls. Thanks and I'm back on the weekly blog schedule.
On a final note, I have received many comments about having trouble leaving comments because of the log in requirements of blogspot. I have now removed that restriction from this blog. Have a great week.
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