Where I Am

"It's so important to know where you are. I know where I am right now. How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal. You have to be willing to work for it. " (Jim Valvano, ESPY Award Speech, 1993)

In December of 2009, I had an epiphany that led to the creation of my plan to regain control of my health and as I started the process of implementation in January, I did so without urgency. Its not that I didn't care, sometimes you just need a spark to get things started. Well that spark came in early February in the form of a number, 432.2, my God what have I done! I don't like that the spark had to come from panic, but its here nonetheless. I have tried to hide this number from everybody, including my wife. Ultimately, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to admit to anyone let alone everyone. However, I am doing it because I believe that it is critical to my success and to let everyone know that it is never too late to change.

Let's take a step back and catch everyone up to speed. I never in my wildest imagination thought I would become this out of shape or heavy. Yes, my mom bought me husky jeans growing up, but really they were quite manly. Hey baby, you like dogs? Cause I'm a husky (one eyebrow raised and a wink). I mean seriously, the older chicks at the swim club totally dug it when I posed on the high dive in my swim team speedo (this was pre-Goonies and the truffle shuffle days). OK back to reality, I was always thicker, but not obese. I was athletic, I was on the swim team, played football, baseball and later softball, and I loved being active. What happened???!!!

Things started slowly, never too drastic or outrageous. I started my senior year of high school at about 218 and ended it around 235. I went to college and pushed up to 270. I started coaching football and went to 290. This all happened over the course of 7 years. It was done in small increments, easily justified, and easily ignored. Next, I hurt my back at work and went from 290 to 370 in a year. This scared me, but I was limited in what I could do and I ended up fighting down to around 340 after I healed. Things stayed steady for a while, but then work stress went through the roof as I became a school administrator and well, I put my health on the back burner. The numbers didn't scare me, although I tried to find any motivation to change, I was healthy and able to do almost everything I could do before. I mean seriously, I was doing the worm and dancing the soldier boy at pep rallies, and to my friends I became a karaoke icon. I could do it all baby!

However, when I hit 432, I became more worried about my overall quality of life and ability to live life. I mean the number greatly concerns me, but its being out of breath all the time, not being able to play with my kids, or giving friends BS excuses as to why I can't play golf or whatever to hide the fact that I can't function the way I want to function.

The strange thing is and was, I was not eating bad foods all the time. I tried to exercise at times, I kept working on dieting, but I seemed powerless at times for the inevitable weight gain. My biggest problem was a combination of lack of knowledge, destructive routines and wishful thinking. I thought if I ever crossed the 250 pound mark I would get fit, then it was 300 lbs, then it was 325, 350, 400, and so on it went; a new rationale, a new reality, and a whole new set of excuses to not deal with my worsening condition: I know I can do anything I set my mind to, just not right now; this is going to be too hard; I can’t afford healthy food; I don’t have any time to work on this; that looks so good – tomorrow I’ll do it, I promise; and so on it goes.

I always thought that the magical tomorrow would arrive some day and in Rocky Balboa type fashion, it would all kick in and I would overcome this physical condition that is choking the life out of me.

That gets us to where I was in February. Where I am now, and Where do I want to be? I will give a more detailed look in future posts, but let me just say this, I have a comprehensive plan that is working, some actual numbers that I want to reach, but overall I just want to be healthy and fit.

I will be sharing my progress giving you an update on pounds eliminated (I try not to say lost, because inevitably I find them again- haha). My ultimate goal is to be fit, live life, and touch the lives of others with my story. I am as excited as I have ever been to recapture what I have lost and regain my inner studness. I know, many of the ladies are saying - you always have been a stud. I know, but I'm raising the bar! :) Till next time - dont' give up. Don't ever give up.