Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley

The realization of my negative state of mind, produced shocking and scary thoughts.  I firmly believe that if we believe we will fail - we will.  If we allow negativity to permeate our thinking the proverbial dark cloud will follow us and make it nearly impossible for us to overcome great obstacles.  I cannot succumb to the sense of "woe is me".  I must turn this thought process around.  If I can't turn this around internally, it's over before it begins.  So the question arises: How do I turn my self-defeating  mentality into quiet confidence and belief that I can do this, I can get healthy and fit?  I knew that this whole process would be tough, but suddenly I realized that I was fighting for more than just my health, but for myself.  The application of the anonymous quote, "anything worth having is worth fighting for" applies here.  It is my turn to answer the bell and fight for my mentality and all that I believed I was and wanted to be in life.  I thought that I had to get out of my comfort zone, my box, and listen to another perspective.  Without regard to how touchy feely, weird, or ridiculous I felt it was, I began to follow the advice of my counselor.

First, I began to attend Weight Watcher (WW) meetings every Saturday morning.  I never went to the actual meeting, but I had been back and forth to that same group so much over the past four years, they knew me by name, and I had developed a rapport with two of the ladies who took the weekly weigh-ins. I found myself getting personal attention and advice from them.  They cheered my successes and gave me encouragement when I fell.  They were always positive no matter what I had done that week.  If I had gained, they would often share tips and stories of when they had a hard time and how they kept with it.  If I had lost, no matter how little, they would celebrate with me.  To this day, I have not gone to a single WW meeting; I simply weigh-in and leave, but that interaction is all I need.

The second piece of advice that I took was to begin saying two daily affirmations.  Does anyone remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live?  Al Franken played a strangely positive, yet bizarre self-help guru on this segment who seemed addicted to his affirmations.  "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gone it, people like me." was his favorite saying and he did so in a way to mock the whole self-help culture.  This is a hilarious segment and something that I have done an impression of for years.  However, I couldn't get past that image.  Seriously, I'm going to look at myself and whisper sweet nothings into my own ear?  I must be seriously cracked!  Wait a minute.  We do this all the time.  I began to realize that this is just the act of making sure your self-talk isn't always negative.  How many times have you looked in the mirror and said, I look awful.  I am too fat.  Or thought to yourself, this is too much.  I can't do this.  I can't..., won't..., am ...  Our lives are filled with daily affirmations or destructive comments.  A daily affirmation is simply taking the time to say something positive to yourself.  It doesn't have to be hokey or even something you believe whole-heartedly, but it has to be something that you say that is positive to offset the destructive nature of your negative comments to yourself.

What if you don't believe it?  This was my question when told this was something I needed to do.  "It doesn't matter.  You will eventually," was the response.  This reminded me of something I heard years ago regarding politics and political viewpoints.  I often wondered why politicians said outrageously polarizing and fear mongering comments when dealing with issues, so I asked about it in one of my classes at Youngstown State University.  The response by my professor was that if you say it long enough and strong enough, people will believe it.  It made total sense and it does again now.  If you say it long enough and strong enough to yourself - you will believe it.  That is how I became negative, that is how I will began to think differently about myself, and that is how I will begin to climb out of this hole.  Now, I take a moment every day to look in the mirror and say two positive things to myself.  They are too personal to share via internet, but I can attest that I am benefiting from a more positive mindset.

The next step was to incorporate an aspect of spirituality into my fight.  As I drive to work everyday, I spend time in prayer.  In doing so, I always ask God to help me stay focused on my health and fitness.  I ask for the strength and focus to do what is right for my nutrition and family's health.  This is important for two reasons.  I say it as one of the first things I ask for because it helps me focus on these concepts and it allows me to realize that in order to take care of others, I must take care of myself.  The second, but significantly more important concept is that I am asking for the power of God to intervene and to help me win this fight.  "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

No successful mission to gain self-confidence and positive self-speak is without a moment of great grace or success.  My moment came in January on a rainy and cold night.  I was working at the school, which is 35 minutes from home, and I was obsessing about a craving.  This craving had haunted me all week long and was getting ready to erupt like a volcano.  I had resisted the temptation to stop at this particular fast food place on the way to work, but it was about 7 o'clock and I was now starving for dinner.  As I drove home, the battle raged within my head.  I not only lost the battle, but went way overboard.  I ordered way too much of this sandwich and did so without conscience.  I didn't care at the moment.  I just wanted to give in to this temptation.  No thought of long-term impact or consequences were in my mind, just sweet relief from the obsession.  As I was gorging in the parking lot on this food, I came to a realization.  I can't really taste this.  I was eating it so fast that the taste I was desiring was non-existent.  So I slowed down.  As I began to taste this food, I began to think, "this doesn't taste as good as I thought it would.  I can't believe I am craving this."  I heard myself say the words, "After this, I am done with fast food."  Just like that, I finished the last of the items, threw the trash away and drove out of that parking lot.  I have not eaten any fast food since.  I have had my cravings, but resisted based on those feelings and experience of that night.  I needed this in the worst way.  This one success gave me a platform to rebuild my confidence in myself.  Everyone needs a little success, I think that I found it and held on so dearly that it became a bigger impact than what it had been initially.

As I reported my success to my counselor and explained the events of that night, she asked me to read a book, "Addiction and Grace" by May.  This book began to open my eyes further to the fight I was facing.  She began to talk to me about my problem being an addiction, and as I read this book I observed some striking similarities.  I do not believe that I am dealing with anything that resembles the grim realities of drug addiction, but in viewing my struggle in this light, I started to understand how to facilitate my plan in a greater, more specific way.  I know more than ever that this was a struggle not just for me, but for all those who care about me.  I continued to say to myself, "don't give up.  Don't ever give up."

***Weekly Update***  As of yesterday morning, Saturday, May 21, 2010, I weighed in at 392.4 llbs.  This marks an 2.8 lb elimination from the previous week and a 39.8 lb elimination overall.  I am approximately 4 lbs away from meeting my 10% reduction in body weight.  I am feeling great and have a great group of people in my life to thank for it!  Have a great week!